


Of all the things I left behind I miss my heart the most

by iwritetrash



Series: Stormpilot One Shots [18]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Dog BB-8, Finnpoe - Freeform, Happy Ending, M/M, Modern AU, Stormpilot, musician!Poe, small town AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2016-04-05
Packaged: 2018-05-31 10:46:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6467233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwritetrash/pseuds/iwritetrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poe leaves Finn behind in the small town they lived in but 3 years later Finn gets a blast from the past when he sees Poe on TV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of all the things I left behind I miss my heart the most

**Author's Note:**

> My awesome beta XyaLovegood_StormpilotShipper referred to this fic as a happy sandwich, because it starts out happy, and then it gets a bit sad in the middle, and then it has a happy ending soo... I hope that idea appeals to you :) Yes, I did make up the song lyrics myself, so please don't hate on them too much. Enjoy :)

 

Finn is 15 years old and he’s moving to a new town with his family. It’s a small town, and it seems that they don’t usually get new arrivals, if the excited whispers and rumours can be taken as any kind of indication. Clearly everyone is far more used to people leaving than arriving.

Unfortunately, this also leaves Finn at a disadvantage. Everyone at the school he joins have known each other for years. They’ve grown up together, and in a town as small as this, everyone knows everyone. Except for Finn. Which is why, on his first day, he finds himself hiding in the loos to eat lunch, not dissimilar to a stereotypical teen movie.

That was where Poe found him, a little surprised to see him awkwardly eating in the toilet cubicle, but quickly dragging him out to come and sit at his table with his friends, insisting that they’d love him.

Within the hour Finn finds himself surrounded by newfound friends.

***

Finn is 16 and Poe is teaching him how to flirt with people, because he can’t even get out a single sentence when his crush is around.

Poe is there to help celebrate when Finn gets a date with the guy he’s been crushing on, and he celebrates with him again when they make their relationship official.

Poe is there to help Finn pick up the pieces of his heart when he gets dumped a month later.

***

Finn is 18 and he’s starting to realise that the way he feels about Poe is a little bit more than platonic these days. They both stay local after they graduate, moving straight into careers. Finn works as a chef in their small town’s only somewhat classy restaurant (which basically means that it serves something other than fast food), and Poe works as a musician, playing small gigs and never that far from home.

They even move in together (platonically of course), and with Poe around him all the time, Finn can feel himself falling deeper and deeper each day.

***

Finn is 19 and Poe is his boyfriend now, and they’re as happy as he thinks it is possible for two people to be. Poe writes songs about Finn, and he throws in dedications to him when he plays them. Finn goes to all of Poe’s gigs and stands around like a groupie, not missing the growing crowds as his gigs become more popular.

***

Finn is 20 and Poe’s music is being picked up by a record label, and Finn is so happy for him, but he can’t help but feel like he’s being left behind. And he is.

A week later, the label asks Poe to move to New York City so they can work with him a little more, and Poe’s agreeing to it because goddamnit Finn **,** this is the chance he’s been waiting for all his life.

That night they have the worst argument that Finn can ever remember them having. They both cry as Finn screams at him, telling him that he’s putting his career before their relationship, and Poe yells back that he can’t spend his whole life waiting around in this small town, and that if he doesn’t get out now he never will. Because this is his chance, and Finn shouldn’t hold him back from that.

A few hours later, after all the anger has left their bodies, Finn sobs quietly that he doesn’t want him to leave, and Poe’s voice is filled with just as much emotion when he replies that he’s sorry, he’s so, so sorry, but he can’t stay, and he knows that Finn won’t - that he _can’t_ \-  follow.

***

Finn is 22 and it doesn’t hurt to hear Poe’s songs on the radio anymore (and he’ll admit he’s listened to all of them).

He doesn’t really like the sound of his music these days. It’s been pumped up with so many extra elements - a far cry from the beautiful acoustic melodies he would play at small gigs back before he rocketed to stardom. His voice has been so changed by the blurring mask of autotune that Finn hardly even recognises it anymore without its soft edge, the perfect catch of his voice and husky undertone all but erased in pursuit of a ‘perfect’ sound.

But Poe’s like a drug, and even two years later Finn still needs the small hits he gets from listening to his songs just to get him through the day.

***

Finn is 23 when Poe makes his first TV appearance, and Finn is already watching, waiting for his interview to start even though he'd never usually bother with watching a chat show like this, preferring to watch shows that had a plot, and didn't have annoying, over-excited presenters.

Finally Poe walks onto the stage, all charisma and swagger just like Finn remembers, and for a few seconds Finn can imagine that Poe never left, because watching him on the screen makes Finn feel like Poe is right there with him.

The presenter introduces him, and she asks him questions about his personal life (Finn learns that he is single and living in a small house with his dog, BeeBee, the same dog he’d had back when they were dating) and his music (everyone is very excited to hear he’s working on a new album, even though he only just released his last one). Eventually the conversation drifted over to questions fans had sent in on twitter, often quite enthusiastic, and even weird at times, with the presenter’s chirpy attitude never failing or faltering.

“Okay so now I have a question that a lot of us are probably dying to know the answer to.” The presenter grins and Finn rolls his eyes at her overexcited attitude. “Everyone wants to know who inspires your lyrics, especially now that we know you’re single.”

“Wow, getting into the deep stuff now.” Poe laughs a little, before growing serious as he began his response. “I actually take a lot of inspiration from my first real relationship. I kind of messed that one up, and I guess I’ve been calling out to him through my music ever since, as if maybe I could apologise. But I don’t really think I ever could, and I don’t think he’d even care anymore. A guy like him? He’ll have a line out of the door wanting a date with him. He was always way too good for me.” Poe smiles fondly but Finn’s blood ran cold.

He couldn’t be talking about him, could he? Could it really be true that Poe never got over their relationship? Impossible. And besides, he was painting far too pretty a picture for it to possibly be Finn. But then, who else could it be? As far as Finn knew, Poe hadn’t dated anyone before him, not seriously anyway, and from the sounds of it there hadn’t been anyone after him either…

The presenter chattered on, asking Poe more questions, with Poe giving much more simplistic answers, before she finally announced that he would be singing a song, earning cheers from the studio audience.

“Uh, yeah. My manager wanted me to play something from my most recent album, but I’m going to be playing something different. It’s not new, in fact it’s actually really old. It comes from way back before the record label found me. I’m trying to get back to my roots a little with the album I’ve just started working on, so I thought I’d bring back this song for you guys.” Poe smiled softly, before heading over to the small side stage, followed by the cameras, where a simple acoustic guitar was set up next to a stool and a microphone. “I don’t even know why you’d be watching, because it’s been three years, but Finn, if you are, this one’s for you.” Poe shot a shy smile to the camera and Finn’s heart all but shattered as Poe strummed the familiar chords.

_This song is a confession,_  
_Of words I never spoke._  
_I’ve felt this way for a while now,_  
_But I’m just a little shy to say_  
_I can’t keep you off my mind._

Poe had been singing about him all this time, Finn realised, as Poe sang the song Finn had heard so many times. It was the first song Poe had ever written about him, the first song that was ever dedicated to him. It was the song that he had written and played to him as an alternative to actually asking Finn out, and Finn had sworn then and there that he would marry that man one day.

But they’d never made it that far.

_So I need to get this off my chest  
Before I chicken out._

_I’ve fallen for your crazy smile_  
_And your beautiful brown eyes._  
_I love the way you look at me,_  
_And the way you make me laugh._  
_I like the way you play with my hair,_  
_And you hold me in your arms._  
_I’ve fallen for your kisses_  
_On my forehead. Right before I fall asleep._

_Well tell me if I’ve crossed a line,_  
_If I’ve taken it too far._  
_We can just go back to friendship,_  
_And I’ll forget you could’ve been mine._  
_I know it might take a little time,_  
_But we’ll make it._

_Because I’ve fallen hard for you,_  
_And I’ll still want you around._  
_I have no expectations,_  
_But I have a hope or two._

_Because I’ve fallen for your crazy smile_  
_And your beautiful brown eyes._  
_I love the way you look at me,_  
_And the way you make me laugh._  
_I like the way you play with my hair,_  
_And you hold me in your arms._  
_I’ve fallen for your kisses_  
_On my forehead. Right before I fall asleep._

As Poe sang the song with as much love and emotion as the first time that he sang it, Finn struggled to keep his thoughts straight, to the point where he could only comprehend a single thought that ran through his mind on repeat:

_Poe had been singing about him._

As the song ended, Finn had tears running down his cheeks.

_There’s one more thing to say,_  
_It’s about time I got it straight._  
_Threewords that say it all:_  
_I love you._

“Oh boy, that was quite a song,” the presenter called from the main stage, and Poe laughed half-heartedly from where he was still sat with his guitar resting on his knee. “I think we just about have time for another one, if you don’t mind, Poe?” She smiled and Poe nodded.

“This is a new song that didn’t make it to my last album. It’s about asking for forgiveness, even when you know you don’t deserve it.” Poe smiled sadly at the camera, before glancing down to strum the opening chords. Finn listened in rapture as he started to sing.

_I wish I could apologise,_  
_And know you’d heard me say it._  
_But the truth is that you’re far away,_  
_And the miles can’t carry the sound._

_So I’ll put it in a song,  
And I’ll pray to god the words don’t come out wrong. _

_I can still see the way you looked at me_  
_After the first time that we kissed._  
_And I still see the tears running down your cheeks_  
_After the last time._  
_I know that it’s my fault,_  
_And I know that I’m to blame._  
_But I just wish that I_  
_Could see your face_  
_Again._

_I wish I could take back_  
_The words I said to you._  
_But thosewounds have healed to scars by now,_  
_It’s a mark I can’t undo._

_So I’ll put it in a song,  
And I’ll hope to god you hear me when I sing. _

_I can still see the way you looked at me_  
_After the first time that we kissed._  
_And I still see the tears running down your cheeks_  
_After the last time._  
_I know that it’s my fault,_  
_And I know that I’m to blame._  
_But I just wish that I_  
_Could see your face_  
_Again._

Finn almost thought the song was over as Poe slowed down his rapid strumming of the strings to slow, meaningful chords as he began to sing much more softly, leading gently into the bridge of the song. As he did, his eyes lifted from where he had been glancing down at his guitar to look straight into the camera.

_So even though you’re far away,_  
_I still feel so much pain,_  
_Every time I see your face inside my mind._  
_Wish I could say I’ve no regrets,_  
_But the truth is, I’ve a lot._  
_And I must admit that you’re the biggest one._  
_Leaving you is the worst thing that I’ve done._

_I can still see the way you looked at me_  
_After the first time that we kissed._  
_And I still see the tears running down your cheeks_  
_After the last time._  
_I know that it’s my fault,_  
_And I know that I’m to blame._  
_But I just wish that I_  
_Could see your face_  
_Again._

By the time the song ended Finn had tears pouring down his cheeks, and he could see a slight shine of tears in Poe’s eyes as the presenter prattled away, drawing the show to a close.

***

The next day Finn found himself on a plane to New York, with only a small carry on bag and an address sourced from one of the few mutual friends that they had both stayed in touch with after their breakup (most of their friends had ended up picking a side and sticking with it), Jessika.

Okay, so maybe flying out to New York to surprise Poe wasn’t his smartest plan. For all he knew, Poe was incredibly bitter and never wanted to lay eyes on him again, although his songs said otherwise. Poe could be busy when he arrived or he could be asleep or… well, or anything.

But overthinking wasn’t going to help. This was a long flight and Finn had absolutely no intention of wringing his hands the whole way there. He was going to relax, think about what he was going to say when he got there, and maybe get some sleep, since he hadn’t gotten any the night before.

***

Finn didn’t sleep a wink. He was so caught up worrying about what to say and how Poe would react to seeing him again after three years that the time passed unbelievably quickly and before he knew it he was landing in New York and his stomach was a nest of butterflies. He got off the plane and walked numbly through the check-in, before hurrying out of the airport to hail a cab.

Once inside, he rattled off the address Jess had given him and sat back anxiously, tapping his foot and counting down in his head to his arrival at Poe’s house. He was so anxious about his reunion with Poe that he hardly even glanced out of the window to take in the sights of New York City, a place he’d been longing to visit for, well, as long as Poe had been there.

When he finally arrived, he thanked the cab driver and handed him the money for his journey, before stepping out a little shakily and walking up the small path leading to the front door. After a few seconds he finally brought his hand up to the door and knocked gently a few times.

His knock was met immediately with the sound of muffled barking from BeeBee on the other side of the door and Poe yelling something he couldn’t quite make out, probably to try and shush the noisy dog. After a few brief moments the door finally opened to reveal Poe, in sweatpants and a T-shirt that Finn could have sworn once belonged to him, desperately trying to shush BeeBee, who was barking manically at his feet.

“Sorry about her, she’s a bit…” Poe’s voice trailed off as he glanced up and his eyes landed on Finn for the first time.

“Hi.” Finn smiled shyly and Poe stared at him in shock for a moment, wondering if he was just imagining things. After three years, what could Finn possibly be doing on his doorstep? Then it dawned on him.

“You saw the show.” Poe smiled, a few happy tears glistening in his eyes at the sight of Finn, smiling and glad to see him and real.

“Yeah, I did.” Finn nodded. “Poe that song was just… beautiful.” Finn’s smile was hopeful for the future they might be able to share, and Poe’s heart leapt at the sight of it.

“I should never have left you, Finn.” Poe’s smile saddened a little as he dropped his gaze down to glance at the welcome mat beneath Finn’s feet.

“I shouldn’t have stayed.” Finn laughed a little and Poe lifted his gaze just a tad to meet Finn’s eyes. “You had every right to leave, Poe, you had a career waiting for you, I should have been more supportive of that. I should have come with you. I guess I was just… scared to leave.” Finn sighed and Poe laughed.

“I think it’s fair to say we both made our mistakes.” Poe smiled at him, and this time his smile reflected all the joy and tentativeness he had seen in Finn’s smile when he first opened the door.

“We all do stupid things when we’re in love.” The corners of Finn’s mouth twitched back up into a tentative smile, and Poe’s heart started to beat a little faster at the word he had been aching to hear from Finn for three years, ever since he left.

“We’re just two idiots in love, I guess.” Poe’s eyes shone with happiness and he seemed to glow like his entire aura was made up of some kind of happy light. “Do you want to come inside?” Poe finally asked with a grin as bright as the sun.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from this post: http://wnq-writers.com/post/130499895332/of-all-the-things-i-left-behind-i-miss-my-heart


End file.
